One year ago today Kathy left us.
I brought flowers to her resting place this morning. I have visited frequently, in fact almost every weekend since her service in September though I know Kath would not approve.
I was reminded of this in a recent dream of her where I was pointedly told she was ‘not there’ but in fact everywhere. I interpret that as a suggestion I better catch up on the house cleaning.
I believe the visits have been doing me good however. The drive there and back is like a form of grief therapy. That said I can see Kathy’s perspective on things and so will endeavor not to let them become a crutch.
“They” say the first year is the toughest. Each day has it’s own little landmine and then of course there are the Big Ones, birthdays, anniversaries etc.
And then come the “Holidays.” I looked upon their approach with dread initially but perversely found an unexpected balm in the realization that while they could not be the Joyous occasion of old without Kathy & Mum nothing could possibly be so grim as the preceding Christmas and New Year. You gotta take solace where you find it I guess. I do wonder if Kath didn’t plant that thought in my head. She works in mysterious ways.
They came and went. I was supposed to spend Christmas with my brother’s family but came down with a suspected case of the Omicron and stayed home with the cat instead. Though I did sneak out Christmas day to visit K’s resting place. So far no outbreak at the cemetery has been reported.
I think of Kathy constantly though sometimes I am busy enough to be lost in myself and even on occasion ‘wake’ and wonder if it all really happened.
It’s funny how the little reminiscences are often the best at helping me through the day.
I miss the way she would make out like I was the greatest guy in the world because I brought her coffee in the morning.
Who else would think to nickname ‘America’s History Channel’ the ‘Alternative Hitler Channel’?
Kathy hated cooking so much she pretended I was good at it and never failed to compliment my efforts.
Then there was the Christmas eve we discovered Korean BBQ because we forgot everything closed down at 5pm and went on a frantic search up and down Yonge to find something, anything open.
I miss how she always overpacked.
How she seemed to know the name of every dog breed, not to mention dinosaurs.
Her love of Pip.
Her love of pajamas.
Her insistence I watch yet another cat video on Lovemeow.
The kiss goodbye at the door.
I miss her. Always will. She is my love.
Thanks to all for your patience and kindness.
