Kathy Shaidle

In her autobiography A Lonely Life, Bette Davis remembers making All About Eve with none of the rancour or drama that should provide all the dirt an essayist would look for when writing about the film. Her part was supposed to go to someone else, but when Claudette Colbert injured her back while filming Three Came Home, director Joseph L. Mankiewicz had producer Darryl F. Zanuck call Davis. “I can think of no project that from the outset was as rewarding from the first day to the last,” she writes.

Kath left us 5 years ago today. Memories mitigate sorrows.

I remember how hot it was on the day this photo was taken. We were on Bloor at a demo and ducked in for something cool to drink.

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Loved. Missed.

Travel Buddy.

So many photos. Not sure what grade this is all I know is it was a school trip Kathy’s class took to Ontario Place which was considered kind of a big deal back then.

Not sure what that look means.

My house is a wreck with stuff stacked everywhere.

But it’s the much needed Big Sort and I am assembling stacks of like stuff i.e. magazines etc. with her articles etc.

Most of this was packed up at Dundonald and hasn’t seen the light of day since.

That’s why there are so many surprises.

At times it is exactly like reading someone’s mail.

I found a stack of her fan letters and am getting pretty good at that smile.

I told her often that she had many fans who cared deeply for her.

She knows now.

I’ve spent the last few evenings sorting through boxes of Kathy’s things.

Small treasures have been found like the little box pictured above containing all of her “Anti-War” pins along with some photos of No-Nuke marches she attended.

Older pics of she and I have turned up along with her “1st communion” journey complete with hand drawn pictures and captions.

Also a scrap book of a childhood Maritimes road trip.

It’s been good fun. Her Mom loved her very much and that explains the many many childhood photos.

And I mean many. My hope is to select the best and eventually post them on a dedicated web site along with as much of her writings as I can gather.

A few pieces new to me have turned up including one that in discussing her Mother’s battle with ovarian cancer portends her own.

This is the sort I have put off. It will be a big job and this first pass is just to decide what I do not need to keep as I inherited her Mom’s things as well as some of her grandparents.

I miss her.

… My Laundry Boss.

This is the first wash in the new washer that arrived today and it is rightfully dedicated to Kathy.

Kathy loved having ensuite laundry and loved doing laundry even more.

I would not be surprised if she nudged my brand selection.

Everything I know about laundry I learned from K.

This has been keeping me busy all evening … recovered photos from a couple of old hard drives

Trump was president. The sun was shining and so began a perfect day in NYC.

Start the day with coffee …

Disgust young Democrat …

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It is 3 years since Kathy passed away on Jan 9 2021.

The weather kept me away from her resting place today but I will stop by on the weekend to visit and retrieve her Christmas wreath.

A copy of C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed caught my eye before Christmas, whether it was pushed or pulled into view by Kathy or the cat I cannot say. Maybe both had a hand in it.

Not the first time something seemed meant to catch my eye and not the first time a cat was involved.

From the inscription it was given by Kathy to her Mum Joan when K’s beloved Grandfather passed away. K always wished I had met him.

At any rate I am probably better off for having it fall into view.

It contains observations that shore up the soul having put to words a universal experience I could only clumsily describe:

“I think I am beginning to understand why grief feels like suspense. It comes from the frustration of so many impulses that had become habitual. Thought after thought feeling after feeling, action after action, had H. for their object. Now their target is gone. I keep on through habit fitting an arrow to the string, then I remember and have to lay the bow down. So many roads lead through to H. I set out on one of them. But now there’s an impassable frontierpost across it. So many roads once; now so many culs de sac.”

Worth a look if you have need.

The Holidays are over for another year and I am glad to see them go as they can never be the same without Kathy.

20 years of Christmas’s and New Years were not nearly enough. I would give anything to make her Holiday favourites again.

I do not know what this year will bring but I feel that some change is afoot.  We shall see.

Thank you all for giving so much hope.

Two years ago today we held Kathy’s funeral service.

I visited her resting place today. A light rain fell as I chatted away about just stuff. It is a lovely spot.

I mentioned The Marian Shrine has made the news. With luck they will declare it a Heritage site protecting it from demolition.

Kathy asked me to take her there on November 8 of 2020.

She wept in such sorrow there can be no way that God did not hear her. I stood numb beside her.

We walked by the river afterward and enjoyed the mild weather.

I both hate and cherish the memory along with many others from that time.

Mostly I just miss her company.

So I stopped by Kathy’s resting place this afternoon in honour of her Birthday.

While there the roar of what turned out to be about 100 motorcycles broke the silence.

They wheeled into the cemetery and conveniently surrounded my vehicle and by parking two abreast effectively blocked off the narrow road.

No way out.

I politely asked some of the gals if they would be long and was assured this would be a short stay.

They were doing a memorial run for fallen comrades. Very nice gals to chat with.

While I took a couple of pics, the once overs by some indicated that I best put the phone down.

Turns out they are a 1% Club.

Thanks for the fun Kath. I promise I’ll stay longer next visit.

Happy Birthday Kath, I bet your Mom is cooking all your favourites and I hope you have a wonderful day.

I feel a little stronger now, better able to deal with the world, better able to handle the memories, good and bad.

There are still dark times but I know you have a way of staying in touch, even kinda sorta answering requests and that keeps me going.

Your answers may not be specifically what I ask for but they always seem to be what I need, better in fact.

So I will be dining at the Mandarin as you seem to have arranged, and it will be nice to see my very unexpected dinner companion.

I wish we could keep that date together as we had hoped but something tells me you’ll be there.

Let me know how the cake is in heaven, do you cook to earthly standards just for the heck of it or can you simply wish the best cake ever?

It’s OK you can lie and pretend it’s not as good as I used to make.

So Happy Birthday Shortcake. I hope you stuff your face with cake.

This world can never be the same, but I always remind myself it’s not forever.

We’ll make up for all of our broken dates and live all our postponed dreams in time.

PS. There is a backstory to the Mandarin, a coincidence that just seems too “arranged” to be mere coincidence that will see me keep a date Kath and I were unable to. Perhaps we’ll enjoy a serving of healing on the side.

PPS. The pic is Kath boarding a flight to NYC, another of my bad shots that seem to work.

(And I bumped the post a bit to a morning slot. It’s her day.)

January 9th will mark 2 years since Kathy’s passing. Wish as I might this isn’t a bad dream from which I’ll awake.

Kathy loved visiting New York and I loved roaming the streets with her. The pic was taken during the customary trek to the Lily Pulitzer shop as I recall. We always booked a hotel miles away it seemed. While no fan of shopping the journey was always worth the pleasure of Kathy’s company.  And yes I enjoyed being seated in the comfy chair while she modelled possible purchases and we argued about making a selection an early Christmas gift.

So many good memories.

Just before Christmas last year I began to sort through a batch of papers belonging to Kathy’s family.

Birth certificates, citizenship papers, marriage licenses, funeral arrangements, wills & death certificates. A history of her family.  Kathy’s signature was on documents and correspondence many of us are sadly, wearily all too familiar.

Happily I came across a couple of treasures, early Christmas gifts I prefer to call them.

Among the items belonging to Kathy’s Grandmother were two articles she had saved. As promised I am sharing them with you today.

Kathy wrote this for the December 1984 issue of Seventeen Magazine. She was 20 years old.

Christmas Lists of a feminist Past & present . In Pdf format … Kathy Shaidle – Christmas Lists Of A Feminist Past and Present

And…  Kathy Shaidle – How to be sick, unemployed and insane – for Catholic New Times in the unmistakable voice of the woman we  loved.

Her grandmother’s hand written comments are a treat. I met Mae.  No filters is as polite as I can describe her, Kathy will vouch for that but with much more colour.

Kathy Shaidle – How to be sick, unemployed and insane

I am custodian of my wife’s life and also that of her family.

I have Kathy’s Mom’s photos I have yet to organize and Kathy’s childhood toys that her Mom saved.

I still have Kathy’s large music collection all on CD, not sure what I can do with these as CD’s are practically an antique technology.

Her films, also on CD, I will keep.

What will happen to all this when I am gone?

Little things do mean a lot and there are lots of them that need attention.

I miss Kathy every day and am grateful to all of you, her fans and friends for your love for her.

PS. I just came across this review of Kathy’s book “Confessions of a Failed Slut.” It warmed my heart.