White House staff are becoming increasingly concerned about a potentially dangerous situation. As always, the president has sole authority to launch nuclear weapons. President Biden requested that he be given a button that he wears at all times for that. The problem is that the White House also has several Life Alert buttons to alert people when Biden’s fallen or had another old person-type calamity, and those buttons look exactly the same.
As America looks forward to leaving the pandemic behind and getting back to normal, Dr. Fauci went on a media tour to say “not so fast!” According to America’s wisest sage, there are new, exciting, and dangerous variants of COVID-19 on their way, which may require another round of lockdowns.
h/t Marvin
Meanwhile …. more white supremacy. Stop the Hate 👇🏼pic.twitter.com/Awbd1eOLjC
— ᖇ. ᔕᑕOTT ᔕIᑕᗩᖇIO 2.0 (@SicarioScott) June 18, 2021
World War 3 was nearly started after G7 attendees referred to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau using masculine pronouns, misgendering the progressive, inclusive, genderless leader.
Episode 1 is an 1878 New York Times piece that proclaimed “Mr. Edison has invented too many things” a year before he perfected the lightbulb. The whole thing is incredibly amusing.
Willow and Ryan Wyndin started married life completely committed to equally splitting every task and chore 50-50. It was a beautiful thing to see as they kept timesheets and shared every responsibility 100% fairly. Willow went off to her job every day and came home to take turns doing things like mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, and sweeping the garage.
But, eventually, Willow surrendered to the patriarchy as long as the patriarchy was willing to mow the lawn every weekend, saying, “I’m 100% OK with the patriarchy as long as it keeps the lawn mowed and repairs things that break around here.”
Barely satire when one thinks about it:
BLM has expressed solidarity with Hamas and Palestine by sending organizers to protest Israel by rampaging through Gaza and burning down Palestinian-owned businesses.
“Everyone knows the best way to fight back against your oppressor is to burn down your own community,” said BLM leader Patrisse Cullors. “We here at BLM are experts at that, so we figured the least we can do is help out.”
BLM sent 500 of their best ground troops to enter Gaza at night. They immediately began looting the local shoe store and Halal market before setting fire to an apartment building.
“Free, free, Palestine! Free, free, Palestine! Black and brown lives matter!” they chanted loudly as the townspeople began to wake up.
“This seems kinda counterproductive,” said one Hamas leader. “But, if it works in America, maybe we should try it here.”
The playset features real shivs kids can use to stab each other in an innocent street fight. Including a variety of knives, from makeshift shivs made out of toothbrushes and razor blades to switchblades and kitchen knives, the playset is designed to entertain kids of all ages.
I love this parrot… pic.twitter.com/bdxP5Q2ugI
— (@Hyacinth2959) April 15, 2021
The toy geniuses at Fisher-Price have announced a brand new toy made just for leftist parents and their kids: the My First Peaceful Protest playset. The kid-size clubhouse will come with several varieties of spray paint so kids can tag the tiny building with their own empowering slogans. It will also be made out of cardboard, allowing the cute little tikes to burn the whole thing down if their demands are not met.
The ingenious new vaccine delivery system from Pfizer, Moderna, and AstraZeneca will slowly and continuously drip the vaccine into a person’s bloodstream presumably granting immunity to the coronavirus, so long as it is never removed from your body. When your IV bag runs out of vaccine fluid, you can simply go back to your local pharmacy for a refill at a nominal fee.
Minutes into the episode, Todd is introducing himself to the other puppets and a prescriptively diverse cast of guest children, when he is confronted by Grover about Todd’s culpability regarding a distant ancestor who fought for the Confederacy.
